Thrive Together Mh

For years of my life, I knew something was wrong. I’d have sustained periods of ups and downs, triggered by nothing other than sometimes stress or lack of sleep.

The professionals diagnosed me with BPD two years ago. I told them I felt like I had bipolar but a psychiatrist looked me dead in the eye and said the words “you have a personality disorder”.

Whilst I was accepting of this diagnosis and understand that I do meet at least 5 of the 9 symptoms required to be diagnosed, being on antidepressants didn’t help. In fact, they made things worse.

The more they increased my doses, the more rapid my moods cycled and the more intense things became. I was on a downwards spiral, as it was all because bipolar was completely dismissed.

In February, I had a psychiatrist appointment where I raised my concerns. Again, I was told that BPD amd ADHD can mimic bipolar and when I questioned whether bipolar 2 could be ruled out, they told me I didn’t have it. I apparently “wasn’t manic enough”. Had they not heard of hypomania?

This isn’t to say that professionals are always wrong, but in my experience, a lot of episodes could have been prevented had they listened to me properly. I’m aware that a bipolar diagnosis requires historical evidence of episodes and patterns and the diagnosis shouldn’t be thrown out easily.

But then why was I diagnosed with BPD after simply one hour with a psychiatrist who knew nothing about me?

It baffles me that there was a potential of bipolar which was utterly dismissed and I was incorrectly medicated for all these years. I am currently grieving the life I’ve been living, not understanding myself and being made to feel that it was all in my head.

My advice to you all, is that you know yourself best. If you have researched a condition thoroughly and are aware of the symptoms and causes, it’s likely that you have knowledge that even a professional may overlook. They merely get a glimpse of your mental health and might meet you on a day where you are feeling stable or are masking.

It’s always going to be a tough journey receiving a diagnosis. It comes with a lot of emotions and feelings, including grief, shock, frustration, relief and confusion. But if you feel your diagnosis doesn’t truly paint the whole picture, then never give up on requesting second opinions. It might just save your life.

I’ve been immediately taken off antidepressants. Initially, I felt extremely suicidal and low, followed by a day full of nausea. But I’m now glad to be free from a drug which was causing my hypomania to be worse and the rapidity of cycling to be enhanced. Mood stabilisers will be the way forward now, and I feel confident that they will tackle my mental health far more appropriately.

Watch this space x