Thrive Together Mh

BPD is known as one of the most complex and painful mental health conditions. It’s often compared to having third-degree burns all over your body. To be diagnosed, you must experience 5 of the following 9 symptoms:

• Self-harm/suicidal ideation

• Dissociation

• Emotional instability

• Intense fear of abandonment

• Impulsivity

• Unstable sense of self

• Unstable relationships

• Deep feelings of emptiness

• Intense anger

I was diagnosed with BPD after a suicide attempt in 2024. I’d had a history of self-harm and suicidal behaviours along with relationship issues, impulsive behaviours, and emotional instability. I also had an anxious attachment style.

Being diagnosed helped me to understand more about myself but also terrified me. What could this mean for my future? How will I learn to live with this?

Tip number 1 – get on the right meds

There is no medication designed to directly help with BPD, but some meds can help symptoms. I was prescribed a benzodiazepam, SSRI and antipsychotic.

Naturally, I became addicted to the benzodiazepam and after a year, was finally taken off it. The SSRI didn’t work for me either and I was eventually moved onto an SNRI. The antipsychotic only worked when it was increased to a higher dose.

I have finally found meds that work for me but under one condition…

Tip number 2 – take your meds as prescribed

It wasn’t until I started to consistently take my meds every morning as prescribed, that I felt the impact of them. Missing doses can make a huge difference. If you have ADHD like me, get someone else to remind you daily to take them.. my boyfriend literally hands them to me every morning!

Tip number 3 – be careful with substances

A lot of people with BPD struggle with substance abuse.. in fact, over half of those with BPD will also meet the criteria for substance abuse disorder at some point in their lives.

I relied heavily on alcohol throughout my teens and 20’s. Being under the influence would exacerbate my symptoms and cause further strain on relationships. I started to get on top of my abuse after my diagnosis, with a couple of periods of time where I went fully sober.

I’m by no means a sober girly, but I take breaks when I need them now and I am far more aware of when alcohol is causing me to act out.

Tip 4 – start therapy

I recommend therapy to anyone, not just those who struggle with mental illness. But for us with BPD, therapy is the best way to overcome difficult situations. I began Structured Clinical Management last year under the CMHT.

121 therapy has proven the most useful for me. Group therapy helps learn key skills and meet like-minded individuals, but 121 therapy allows you to dive deeper into your own problems and discuss privately with someone.

My life has definitely changed for the better since starting therapy. I click so well with my therapist and trust her with discussing anything. It’s very useful having someone to go to about things that crop up.

Tip 5 – join a support group

I started a WhatsApp group for those struggling with BPD and have met so many lovely people through it. If I’m in crisis, I know I can message the group and get help immediately. If you struggle with BPD and need a safe space to vent, please feel free to DM me on Instagram (@thrive_together_mh) and I can add you in.

Tip 6 – be open to your loved ones

This is a difficult one. I found it hard to be open to some people in my life for fear of being judged. But, the right people will understand and support you. The right people will also help you navigate and understand your triggers.

Being open means that people can be aware of when you are entering an episode and support you in the right way. My boyfriend also has BPD, so we can always appreciate why the other might have certain reactions to certain triggers.

Tip 7 – understand your triggers

I know when I am entering an episode now. I know what triggers me. I can link things to my fear of abandonment and explain them to those around me. If my boyfriend acts weird to me, I’ll openly ask what is going on and explain that I am feeling worried he is annoyed.

Or if a friend ignores me for a while, I can explain to them how it makes me feel. Some common BPD triggers are:

• Feeling abandoned or rejected

• Feeling left out

• Feeling ignored

• Locations with difficult memories

• Arguments

• Relationship problems

• Criticism

Tip 8 – implement boundaries

Learn to say no when you need to. Set out boundaries and expectations in relationships. Prioritise yourself and rest if you need it. Boundaries are so important, especially if you struggle mentally. These can look different from individual to individual, so try to understand what helps you feel safe and secure.

Tip 9 – understand what to do in a crisis

There have been numerous occasions where I’ve had to help myself in a crisis. I’ve called the emergency services, helplines and friends. I’ve used the TIPP skill, STOP skill and grounding/meditation techniques. I’ve made crisis plans and followed them when struggling. Being prepared for a crisis will help you when you aren’t thinking rationally.

Tip 10 – get help for comorbidities

As if BPD alone is bad enough, most of us have a sprinkle of something else too. Whether that’s, ADHD, autism, bipolar, PTSD, OCD or something else, BPD is often not a lone warrior.

I received my ADHD diagnosis a year after BPD. The combination of both makes me extremely impulsive and emotionally unstable, with a strong fear of rejection. Unfortunately, I haven’t been stable enough to get on ADHD medication yet, but when I do, I imagine it’ll be a life changer.

I’m also in the process of a bipolar diagnosis. My drawn out episodes aren’t triggered by anything, so bipolar is being explored. The combination of BPD and bipolar is a whirlwind of ups and downs. My meds were adjusted to tackle bipolar predominantly, and this helped to minimise the severity of these episodes.

Remember, having BPD doesn’t automatically mean you are “broken”. Those with BPD can live happy and healthy lives and there is hope. Yes, things might be more difficult and we might struggle from time to time. But with the right skills, knowledge and understanding of your own brain, we really can thrive just like anyone else.